Publish...

This is my 255th post.  Never has it been so painstakingly difficult to hit "Publish."

I’m honestly not quite sure how to write this post.  My heart is just broken.  Justin and I (and my family, and bless them, anyone who knows me in the “real” world) have just had a devastating past two and a half weeks.  Without a doubt, there has been good in those two weeks, but ultimately, they have been the hardest days of my entire life.  Last Tuesday was, without a doubt, the lowest I have ever been. 

It is with such sorrow that I tell you that beautiful HJ will not be coming home to Justin and me.  Through our sadness, we are both entirely grateful that God allowed us to be her Mommy and Daddy, even just for the shortest of times.  We know without an ounce of doubt, that He has a reason that He needed us to say ‘yes.’  We believe fully that, ‘yes’ was the right answer.  He had a reason for having us open up our hearts and love her beyond reason and lavish her (and will continue to do) with prayers.  We do love her.  We will never stop praying for her.  We know that God has a plan that is out of this world.  And we accept and understand that we may never know the purpose of all this, this side of heaven.

Although this precious little gem is not our Ruby-Grace, we are still planning to adopt from South Korea, still working with our amazing agency, and still seeking God’s will each and every day for the child that will one day be our Ruby-Grace.  I know this probably doesn’t make an inch of sense and I’m sure it never will.  But, we know we are following where He is leading. 

I have taken down HJ’s picture for her privacy and out of respect for her and her future forever family, though we will keep this photos we have of her forever.  Each time we see them, we pray for her and all that God has planned for her life.  However, I still want to leave up the stories about her referral and our acceptance.  They are a part of her story and ours. 

The other day, I said I probably wouldn’t write too much in the near future but I have found that writing (even just in my personal journal) is a great tool for me.  So rather than saying I will or I won’t, I’m just gonna say I will take it day by day. 

Thank you from the bottom of my heart for all your prayers for me, Justin, Perry, and little HJ.  We literally have had people from all over America praying for this situation and your prayers have physically been felt.  I’m so thankful and truly believe in the power of prayer.

 The LORD is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.

Psalm 34:18

Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all ways acknowledge Him, and He will make your paths staright.

Proverbs 3:5-6

"For I know the plans I have for you", declares the Lord.  "Plans to prosper you and not to harm you.  Plans to give you hope and a future."

Jeremiah 29:11