My
dearest Ji Hwan,
I
have searched for you my whole life.
I have loved you, prayed for you, longed for you, ached for you. You have been a part of my heart since
the beginning of time. There has
never been a me that didn’t also have you.
And
as I’m here in this moment in time, this frozen moment in the span of eternity,
my heart bursts. In joy. In happiness. In love. And in
sadness.
Because
as you lie in bed, snuggled in your Omma’s arms for the last time, your world
is about to break. You will leave all of your comfort and security to be placed in my arms. You have no idea the change that faces
you tomorrow. Dear one, the
magnitude of all you must lose to join in forever with me, will never be lost
on me. Please know I will always
be here.
I
will always be here.
As
I stroke your big brother’s sleeping head, tears flood my eyes and pour down my
cheeks. I love him so much its
indescribable. I love you the very
same.
The
very same.
You
are my child and my heart breaks that yours will. It isn’t fair.
I would give anything to bear all the weight for you.
I
want to be so much for you. I want
to be the Mommy that cheers for you when you tie your first shoe lace, the
Mommy that holds you up as you are sick, the Mommy that serves you that extra
ice cream cone, the Mommy that cleans up your spilled sippy cup, and the Mommy
that makes shadow puppets on your walls.
I want to be the Mommy you scream and yell at when you don’t know how else to
process this world, and I want to be the Mommy whose arms you collapse into
when you don’t know where else to turn.
I want to be the Mommy that always has a camera ready to capture your
milestones and achievements, and I want to be the Mommy that sings you
Christmas lullabies as I’m rocking you to sleep in the middle of May. I want to be the Mommy that teaches you about our Saviour, Redeemer, and The One who always knits a tapestry of beauty from ashes.
I
want to be your Mommy and I cross my heart to always give it my all.
My
baby boy. We have so many miles to
journey together. But that journey
must begin with a baby step. I
promise to look toward you for guidance, as you trust me to lead the way. We will do this together, side-by-side
and step-by-step. You will never
have to walk alone.
Ever.
I
love you forever and always, from the East to the West, to the Korea moon and back, and every tiny inch in
between.
My
love. My JiHwan.
Welcome
to forever.
Mommy.
{thankful for}
fourever
3 kind thoughts:
Such a sweet post. My heart is bursting with joy for all of you.
Oh Brooke. I am so happy for your family. I am praying the transition for Jack with be smooth and easy. <3
Just beautiful, Brooke. You have me crying big ol' tears over here. Praying for your sweet family, and I am amazed at the beauty God has already created from places of brokenness. Jack Cruz is so blessed to have you as his mama. <3
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